Thoughts on the Void

Tears,
Fleeing from fear,
Travel lonely,
So lonely,
Through the passages of a weathered cheek.
The sorrow buried itself deep,
Where not a soul,
Save my own,
Would know the misery
Of it’s complete delivery.
Born to give hope,
Where lost is my own?
That it was ever intended for me
Is my own little hypocrisy.
It chose to vanish somewhere long ago
Before I had time to see or know–
Before effort spent was wasted on the treachery
Of a fate that had already decided a trajectory.
In the oft forgotten name of the greater good that lies ahead,
Let me continue to curse that thread.
I am not meant only to hand out joy
Like candy on Halloween–
For the real me to never be seen
Hidden behind an aging mask of pain
Growing weary of the same old same.
Forgive me, for I have sinned,
But exactly where have you been?
I cried out from down on my knees,
Trying to stop the light abandoning me,
But I am not a combat medic.
I am simply the survivor of a life so tragic
I had to learn triage for my own soul–
Learn to dig down deep or jump in the hole
And let it all fade
In an ocean of debts left unpaid.
Forgive me if I struggle to stay,
But the fault is mine to have come this way.
I do not blame fate, nor God, nor my fellow man;
I have two feet to plant where I can,
And good luck or not,
I did not learn to grow just to rot.
I will not fold to despair,
Having cast aside all intent to care.
Until breath has left these lungs of mine
And my heart beats for the final time,
I will rise and rise,
And I will rise and wipe clean these eyes.
I will continue on–
Someone not quite yet gone.